Chapter 9

The Debating Club"Look here, old man, we ought to have a meeting. Holidays areover, and we must brace up and attend to business," said Frank toGus, as they strolled out of the schoolyard one afternoon inJanuary, apparently absorbed in conversation, but in reality waitingfor a blue cloud and a scarlet feather to appear on the steps.

　　"All right. When, where, and what?" asked Gus, who was a man offew words.

　　"To-night, our house, subject, 'Shall girls go to college with us?'

　　Mother said we had better be making up our minds, becauseeveryone is talking about it, and we shall have to be on one side orthe other, so we may as well settle it now," answered Frank, forthere was an impression among the members that all vexedquestions would be much helped by the united eloquence andwisdom of the club.

　　"Very good; I'll pass the word and be there. Hullo, Neddy! The D.

　　C. meets to-night, at Minot's, seven sharp. Co-ed, &c.," added Gus,losing no time, as a third boy came briskly round the corner, with alittle bag in his hand.

　　"I'll come. Got home an hour earlier to-night, and thought I'd lookyou up as I went by," responded Ed Devlin, as he took possessionof the third post, with a glance toward the schoolhouse to see if aseal-skin cap, with a long, yellow braid depending therefrom, wasanywhere in sight.

　　"Very good of you, I'm sure," said Gus, ironically, not a bitdeceived by this polite attention.

　　"The longest way round is sometimes the shortest way home, hey,Ed?" and Frank gave him a playful poke that nearly sent him offhis perch.

　　Then they all laughed at some joke of their own, and Gus added,"No girls coming to hear us to-night. Don't think it, my son.

　　"More's the pity," and Ed shook his head regretfully over thedownfall of his hopes.

　　"Can't help it; the other fellows say they spoil the fun, so we haveto give in, sometimes, for the sake of peace and quietness. Don'tmind having them a bit myself," said Frank, in such a tone ofcheerful resignation that they laughed again, for the "Triangle," asthe three chums were called, always made merry music.

　　"We must have a game party next week. The girls like that, and sodo I," candidly observed Gus, whose pleasant parlors were thescene of many such frolics.

　　"And so do your sisters and your cousins and your aunts," hummedEd, for Gus was often called Admiral because he really did possessthree sisters, two cousins, and four aunts, besides mother andgrandmother, all living in the big house together.

　　The boys promptly joined in the popular chorus, and other voicesall about the yard took it up, for the "Pinafore" epidemic ragedfearfully in Harmony Village that winter.

　　"How's business?" asked Gus, when the song ended, for Ed had notreturned to school in the autumn, but had gone into a store in thecity.

　　"Dull; things will look up toward spring, they say. I get on wellenough, but I miss you fellows dreadfully"; and Ed put a hand onthe broad shoulder of each friend, as if he longed to be aschool-boy again.

　　"Better give it up and go to college with me next year," said Frank,who was preparing for Boston University, while Gus fitted forHarvard.

　　"No; I've chosen business, and I mean to stick to it, so don't youunsettle my mind. Have you practised that March?" asked Ed,turning to a gayer subject, for he had his little troubles, but alwayslooked on the bright side of things.

　　"Skating is so good, I don't get much time. Come early, and we'llhave a turn at it.""I will. Must run home now.""Pretty cold loafing here.""Mail is in by this time."And with these artless excuses the three boys leaped off the posts,as if one spring moved them, as a group of girls came chatteringdown the path. The blue cloud floated away beside Frank, thescarlet feather marched off with the Admiral, while the fur capnodded to the gray hat as two happy faces smiled at each other.

　　The same thing often happened, for twice a-day the streets werefull of young couples walking to and from school together, smiledat by the elders, and laughed at by the less susceptible boys andgirls, who went alone or trooped along in noisy groups. Theprudent mothers had tried to stop this guileless custom, but foundit very difficult, as the fathers usually sympathized with their sons,and dismissed the matter with the comfortable phrase, "Nevermind; boys will be boys." "Not forever," returned the anxiousmammas, seeing the tall lads daily grow more manly, and thepretty daughters fast learning to look demure when certain nameswere mentioned.

　　It could not be stopped without great parental sternness and thedanger of deceit, for co-education will go on outside of schoolif not inside, and the safest way is to let sentiment and study gohand in hand, with teachers and parents to direct and explain thegreat lesson all are the better for learning soon or late. So theelders had to give in, acknowledging that this sudden readiness togo to school was a comfort, that the new sort of gentle emulationworked wonders in lazy girls and boys, and that watching these"primrose friendships" bud, blossom, and die painless deaths, gavea little touch of romance to their own work-a-day lives.

　　"On the whole I'd rather have my sons walking, playing, andstudying with bright, well-mannered girls, than always knockingabout with rough boys," said Mrs. Minot at one of the Mothers'

　　Meetings, where the good ladies met to talk over their children,and help one another to do their duty by them.

　　"I find that Gus is more gentle with his sisters since Juliet took himin hand, for he wants to stand well with her, and they report him ifhe troubles them. I really see no harm in the little friendship,though I never had any such when I was a girl," said Mrs. Burton,who adored her one boy and was his confidante.

　　"My Merry seems to be contented with her brothers so far, but Ishouldn't wonder if I had my hands full by and by," added Mrs.

　　Grant, who already foresaw that her sweet little daughter would besought after as soon as she should lengthen her skirts and turn upher bonny brown hair.

　　Molly Loo had no mother to say a word for her, but she settledmatters for herself by holding fast to Merry, and declaring that shewould have no escort but faithful Boo.

　　It is necessary to dwell a moment upon this new amusement,because it was not peculiar to Harmony Village, but appearseverywhere as naturally as the game parties and croquet whichhave taken the place of the husking frolics and apple-bees of oldentimes, and it is impossible to dodge the subject if one attempts towrite of boys and girls as they really are nowadays.

　　"Here, my hero, see how you like this. If it suits, you will be readyto march as soon as the doctor gives the word," said Ralph, cominginto the Bird Room that evening with a neat little crutch under hisarm.

　　"Ha, ha, that looks fine! I'd like to try it right off, but I won't till Iget leave. Did you make it yourself, Ral?" asked Jack, handling itwith delight, as he sat bolt upright, with his leg on a rest, for hewas getting on capitally now.

　　"Mostly. Rather a neat job, I flatter myself.""I should say so. What a clever fellow you are! Any new inventionslately?" asked Frank, coming up to examine and admire.

　　Only an anti-snoring machine and an elbow-pad, answered Ralph,with a twinkle in his eye, as if reminded of something funny.

　　"Go on, and tell about them. I never heard of an anti-snorer. Jackbetter have one," said Frank, interested at once.

　　"Well, a rich old lady kept her family awake with that lively music,so she sent to Shirtman and Codleff for something to stop it. Theythought it was a good joke, and told me to see what I could do. Ithought it over, and got up the nicest little affair you ever saw. Itwent over the mouth, and had a tube to fit the ear, so when thelady snored she woke herself up and stopped it. It suited exactly. Ithink of taking out a patent," concluded Ralph, joining in the boys'

　　laugh at the droll idea.

　　"What was the pad?" asked Frank, returning to the small model ofan engine he was making.

　　"Oh, that was a mere trifle for a man who had a tender elbow-jointand wanted something to protect it. I made a little pad to fit on,and his crazy-bone was safe.""I planned to have you make me a new leg if this one was spoilt,"said Jack, sure that his friend could invent anything under the sun.

　　"I'd do my best for you. I made a hand for a fellow once, and thatgot me my place, you know," answered Ralph, who thought littleof such mechanical trifles, and longed to be painting portraits ormodelling busts, being an artist as well as an inventor.

　　Here Gus, Ed, and several other boys came in, and theconversation became general. Grif, Chick, and Brickbat were threeyoung gentlemen whose own respectable names were usuallyignored, and they cheerfully answered to these nicknames.

　　As the clock struck seven, Frank, who ruled the club with a rod ofiron when Chairman, took his place behind the study table. Seatsstood about it, and a large, shabby book lay before Gus, who wasSecretary, and kept the records with a lavish expenditure of ink, tojudge by the blots. The members took their seats, and nearly alltilted back their chairs and put their hands in their pockets, to keepthem out of mischief; for, as everyone knows, it is impossible fortwo lads to be near each other and refrain from tickling orpinching. Frank gave three raps with an old croquet-mallet set on ashort handle, and with much dignity opened the meeting.

　　"Gentlemen, the business of the club will be attended to, and thenwe will discuss the question, 'Shall girls go to our colleges?' TheSecretary will now read the report of the last meeting."Clearing his throat, Gus read the following brief and elegantreport:

　　"Club met, December I 8th, at the house of G. Burton, Esq.

　　Subject:

　　'Is summer or winter best fun?' A lively pow-wow. About evenlydivided. J. Flint fined five cents for disrespect to the Chair. Acollection of forty cents taken up to pay for breaking a pane ofglass during a free fight of the members on the door-step. E.

　　Devlin was chosen Secretary for the coming year, and a new bookcontributed by the Chairman.""That's all.""Is there any other business before the meeting?" asked Frank, asthe reader closed the old book with a slam and shoved the newone across the table.

　　Ed rose, and glancing about him with an appealing look, said, as ifsure his proposition would not be well received, "I wish to proposethe name of a new member. Bob Walker wants to join, and 1 thinkwe ought to let him. He is trying to behave well, and I am sure wecould help him. Can't we?"All the boys looked sober, and Joe, otherwise Brickbat, said,bluntly, "I won't. He's a bad lot, and we don't want any such here.

　　Let him go with chaps of his own sort.""That is just what I want to keep him from! He's a good-heartedboy enough, oniy no one looks after him; so he gets into scrapes,as we should, if we were in his place, I'd are say. He wants tocome here, and would be so proud if he was let in, I know he'dbehave. Come now, let's give him a chance," and Ed looked at Gusand Frank, sure that if they stood by him he should carry his point.

　　But Gus shook his head, as if doubtful of the wisdom of the plan,and Frank said gravely: "You know we made the rule that thenumber should never be over eight, and we cannot break it.""You needn't. I can't he here half the time, so I will resign and letBob have my place," began Ed, but he was silenced by shouts of"No, no, you shan't!" "We won't let you off!" "Club would go tosmash, if you back out!""Let him have my place; I'm the youngest, and you won't miss me,"cried Jack, bound to stand by Ed at all costs.

　　"We might do that," said Frank, who did object to small boys,though willing to admit this particular one.

　　"Better make a new rule to have ten members, and admit both Boband Tom Grant," said Ralph, whereat Grif grinned and Joescowled, for one lad liked Merry's big brother and the other didnot.

　　"That's a good idea! Put it to vote," said Gus, too kind-hearted toshut the door on anyone.

　　"First I want to ask if all you fellows are ready to stand by Bob, outof the club as well as in, for it won't do much good to be kind tohim here and cut him at school and in the street," said Ed, heartilyin earnest about the matter.

　　"I will!" cried Jack, ready to follow where his beloved friend led,and the others nodded, unwilling to be outdone by the youngestmember.

　　"Good! With all of us to lend a hand, we can do a great deal; and Itell you, boys, it is time, if we want to keep poor Bob straight. Weall turn our backs on him, so he loafs round the tavern, and goeswith fellows we don't care to know. But he isn't bad yet, and wecan keep him up, I'm sure, if we just try. I hope to get him into theLodge, and that will be half the battle, won't it, Frank?" added Ed,sure that this suggestion would have weight with the honorableChairman.

　　"Bring him along; I'm with you!" answered Frank, making up hismind at once, for he had joined the Temperance Lodge four yearsago, and already six boys had followed his example.

　　"He is learning to smoke, but we'll make him drop it before it leadsto worse. You can help him there, Admiral, if you only will,"added Ed, giving a grateful look at one friend, and turning to theother.

　　"I'm your man"; and Gus looked as if he knew what he promised,for he had given up smoking to oblige his father, and kept his wordlike a hero.

　　"You other fellows can do a good deal by just being kind and nottwitting him with old scrapes, and I'll do anything I can for you allto pay for this"; and Ed sat down with a beaming smile, feelingthat his cause was won.

　　The vote was taken, and all hands went up, for even surly Joe gavein; so Bob and Tom were duly elected, and proved their gratitudefor the honor done them by becoming worthy members of the club.

　　It was only boys' play now, but the kind heart and pure instincts ofone lad showed the others how to lend a helping hand to acomrade in danger, and win him away from temptation to thesafer pastimes of their more guarded lives.

　　Well pleased with themselves--for every genuine act or word, nomatter how trifling it seems, leaves a sweet and strengtheninginfluence behind--the members settled down to the debate, whichwas never very long, and often only an excuse for fun of all sorts.

　　"Ralph, Gus, and Ed are for, and Brickbat, Grif, and Chick against,I suppose?" said Frank, surveying his company like a generalpreparing for battle.

　　"No, sir! I believe in co-everything!" cried Chick, a mild youth,who loyally escorted a chosen damsel home from school everyday.

　　A laugh greeted this bold declaration, and Chick sat down, red butfirm.

　　"I'll speak for two since the Chairman can't, and Jack won't goagainst those who pet him most to death," said Joe, who, not beinga favorite with the girls, considered them a nuisance and lost noopportunity of telling them so.

　　Fire away, then, since you are up; commanded Frank.

　　"Well," began Joe, feeling too late how much he had undertaken,"I don't know a great deal about it, and I don't care, but I do notbelieve in having girls at college. They'd on't belong there, nobodywants 'em, and they'd better be at home darning their stockings.""Yours, too," put in Ralph, who had heard that argument so oftenhe was tired of it.

　　"Of course; that's what girls are for. I don't mind 'em at school, butI'd just as soon they had a room to themselves. We should get onbetter.""You would if Mabel wasn't in your class and always ahead ofyou," observed Ed, whose friend was a fine scholar, and he veryproud of the fact.

　　"Look here, if you fellows keep interrupting, I won't sit down forhalf an hour," said Joe, well knowing that eloquence was not hisgift, but bound to have his say out.

　　Deep silence reigned, for that threat quelled the most impatientmember, and Joe prosed on, using all the arguments he had everheard, and paying off several old scores by siy hits of a personalnature, as older orators often do.

　　"It is clear to my mind that boys would get on better without anygirls fooling round. As for their being as smart as we are, it is allnonsense, for some of 'em cry over their lessons every day, or gohome with headaches, or get mad and scold all recess, becausesomething 'isn't fair.' No, sir; girls ain't meant to know much, andthey can't. Wise folks say so and I believe 'em. Haven't got anysisters myself, and I don't want any, for they'd on't seem to amountto much, according to those who do have 'em."Groans from Gus and Ed greeted the closing remarks of theungallant Joe, who sat down, feeling that he had made somebodysquirm. Up jumped Grif, the delight of whose life was practicaljokes, which amiable weakness made him the terror of the girls,though they had no other fault to find with the merry lad.

　　"Mr. Chairman, the ground I take is this: girls have not the strengthto go to college with us. They couldn't row a race, go on a lark, ortake care of themselves, as we do. They are all well enough athome, and I like them at parties, but for real fun and go I wouldn'tgive a cent for them," began Grif, whose views of a collegiate lifewere confined to the enjoyments rather than the studies of thatfestive period. "I have tried them, and they can't stand anything.

　　They scream if you tell them there is a mouse in the room, and runif they see a big dog. I just put a cockroach in Molly's desk oneday, and when she opened it she jumped as if she was shot."So did the gentlemen of the club, for at that moment half-a-dozenfire-crackers exploded under the chair Grif had left, and flewwildly about the room. Order was with difficulty restored, themischievous party summarily chastised and commanded to holdhis tongue, under penalty of ejectment from the room if he spokeagain. Firmly grasping that red and unruly member, Grif composedhimself to listen, with his nose in the air and his eyes shining likeblack beads.

　　Ed was always the peace-maker, and now, when he rose with hisengaging smile, his voice fell like oil upon the troubled waters,and his bright face was full of the becoming bashfulness whichafflicts youths of seventeen when touching upon such subjects ofnewly acquired interest as girls and their pleasant but perplexingways.

　　"It seems to me we have hardly considered the matter enough to beable to say much. But I think that school would be awfully dry anddismal without--ahem!--any young ladies to make it nice. Iwouldn't give a pin to go if there was only a crowd of fellows,though I like a good game as well as any man. I pity any boy whohas no sisters," continued Ed, warming up as he thought of hisown, who loved him dearly, as well they might, for a better brothernever lived. "Home wouldn't be worth having without them to lookafter a fellow, to keep him out of scrapes, help him with hislessons, and make things jolly for his friends. I tell you we can't dowithout girls, and I'm not ashamed to say that I think the more wesee of them, and try to be like them in many ways, the better menwe shall be by and by.""Hear! hear!" cried Frank, in his deepest tone, for he heartilyagreed to that, having talked the matter over with his mother, andreceived much light upon things which should always be set rightin young heads and hearts. And who can do this so wisely and wellas mothers, if they only will?

　　Feeling that his sentiments had been approved, and he need not beashamed of the honest color in his cheeks, Ed sat down amid theapplause of his side, especially of Jack, who pounded sovigorously with his crutch that Mrs. Pecq popped in her head tosee if anything was wanted.

　　"No, thank you, ma'am, we were only cheering Ed," said Gus, nowupon his legs, and rather at a loss what to say till Mrs. Pecq'sappearance suggested an idea, and he seized upon it.

　　"My honored friend has spoken so well that I have little to add. Iagree with him, and if you want an example of what girls can do,why, look at Jill. She's young, I know, but a first-rate scholar forher age. As for pluck, she is as brave as a boy, and almost as smartat running, rowing, and so on. Of course, she can't play ball--nogirl can; their arms are not made right to throw--but she can catchremarkably well. I'll say that for her. Now, if she and Mabel--and--and--some others I could name, are so clever and strong at thebeginning, I don't see why they shouldn't keep up and go alongwith us all through. I'm willing, and will do what I can to helpother fellows' sisters as I'd like to have them help mine. And I'llpunch their heads if they'd on't"; and Gus subsided, assured, by aburst of applause, that his manly way of stating the case met withgeneral approval.

　　"We shall be happy to hear from our senior member if he willhonor us with a few remarks," said Frank, with a bow to Ralph.

　　No one ever knew whom he would choose to personate, for henever spoke in his own character. Now he rose slowly, put onehand in his bosom, and fixing his eye sternly on Crif, who wasdoing something suspicious with a pin, gave them a touch ofSergeant Buzfuz, from the Pickwick trial, thinking that the debatewas not likely to throw much light on the subject under discussion.

　　In the midst of this appeal to "Me lud and gentlemen of the jury,"he suddenly paused, smoothed his hair down upon his forehead,rolled up his eyes, and folding his hands, droned out Mr.

　　Chadband's sermon on Peace, delivered over poor Jo, and endingwith the famous lines:

　　"Oh, running stream of sparkling joy,To be a glorious human boy!"Then, setting his hair erect with one comprehensive sweep, hecaught up his coat-skirts over his arm, and, assuming aparliamentary attitude, burst into a comical medley, composed ofextracts from Jefferson Brick's and Lafayette Kettle's speeches, andElijah Pogram's Defiance, from "Martin Chuzzlewit." Gazing atGus, who was convulsed with suppressed merriment, he thunderedforth:

　　"In the name of our common country, sir, in the name of thatrighteous cause in which we are jined, and in the name of thestar-spangled banner, I thank you for your eloquent and categoricalremarks. You, sir, are a model of a man fresh from Natur's mould.

　　A true-born child of this free hemisphere; verdant as the mountainsof our land; bright and flowin' as our mineral Licks; unspiled byfashion as air our boundless perearers. Rough you may be; so airour Barrs. Wild you may be; so air our Buff alers. But, sir, you aira Child of Freedom, and your proud answer to the Tyrant is, thatyour bright home is in the Settin' Sun. And, sir, if any man deniesthis fact, though it be the British Lion himself, I defy him. Let mehave him here!"--smiting the table, and causing the inkstand toskip--"here, upon this sacred altar! Here, upon the ancestral ashescemented with the glorious blood poured out like water on theplains of Chickabiddy Lick. Alone I'd are that Lion, and tell himthat Freedom's hand once twisted in his mane, he rolls a corsebefore me, and the Eagles of the Great Republic scream, Ha, ha!"By this time the boys were rolling about in fits of laughter; evensober Frank was red and breathless, and Jack lay back, feeblysquealing, as he could laugh no more. In a moment Ralph was asmeek as a Quaker, and sat looking about him with a mildlyastonished air, as if inquiring the cause of such unseemly mirth. Aknock at the door produced a lull, and in came a maid with apples.

　　"Time's up; fall to and make yourselves comfortable," was thesummary way in which the club was released from its sternerduties and permitted to unbend its mighty mind for a socialhalfhour, chiefly devoted to whist, with an Indian war-dance as aclosing ceremony.